#3

MCO Day - lost count
WFH Day - lost count

I have been thinking of topics i would like to write in this blog and promise myself that I would switch on my personal laptop and actually write it. But thinking without actually moving to do it, won't bear any fruits. Hence, the blog has been empty since April. So much of being excited to create a new blog in March, a fresh start so to say. (well actually, i couldn't remember my blogdrive password hence the new blog.)

I used to write my thoughts almost everyday. Mostly on how i feels and usually on the people i have crush on at that particular moment. Back when I was in school, I kept a diary and write my rebellious feelings there. When I was angry, you can actually see it from my handwriting... all BIG, CAPITAL LETTERS and full of AARRGGGHHH and exclamation marks!!!! When i read it back few years ago, i laughed and also got embarrassed by my own "kid-likes" expression that i decided to burned all my diaries. hahaha Definitely not going to let anybody else see it!

From writing in diaries, i then move to blogging. I can't exactly remember when i started but i think it would be around 2005. I have used blogspot and blogdrive as my main blog and livejournal as my fandom blog. At the same time, I have also jot down my thoughts in WordPad and Words, only for my reading. I was actively writing until 2015 until i just stopped posting / writing.

After 2015. it was getting harder to write. Partially due to I was just too tired after work that i don't have the time to sit down and organize my thoughts in writing. But mostly i feel that it's getting hard to express what i actually feel. As i grow older, i realized that i tend to keep everything bottle up inside. Until it gets too much and i would just burst into tears for no specific reasons, usually when i was in the car, driving back home from office. Of course, nowadays most of the pent up emotions are/were related to work stress and also on personal stuffs that just got you into those gloomy moods.

After 2015, I did keep notes on how i feel in phone-blog apps such as Dayre. Shorts write up on how i feel at that particular moment ~ about 1-2 paragraph or just 1 line thing. Then, after an update last year / last 2 years (can't remember), you need to pay once you log in into Dayre. That kind of turn me off, so i stopped. 

Around 2017, i started to get interested in bullet journal (bujo for short) where you get to set up your own journal template, track your habits/activities, do gratitude journal and decorate it however you want. I started to buy washi tapes, stickers, pens and highlighters just for this. But the problem is, I'm not that creative and i hate it when i make mistakes. I still continue doing it now but i would do it in my own way. Mine will usually looks like scrap book with lots of instax pictures. Haha It was fun when i got lost into my own world doing this. But i do spend lots of time stressing out how i want to decorate it too. 

Nowadays, i'm more into planner style. Where i just jot down what i did for the day, sometimes i did put my "To do List / Habit tracking" for the day or week. Admittedly i do have trouble to be discipline enough to write / update it daily. On some months, i would write everyday or weekly. There are certain month where i don't update at all, and then I would have difficulties to record it backdated. Since I can't seem to remember whatever i did previously. Taking pictures on things i did, my rants in twitter does help me to recall some stuffs. But on personal level, not really. I won't remember exactly the last time i cried for certain reason, for example. 

Writing is actually very satisfying no matter what style / method that I decided to try and I do hope I would continue doing it and also keep writing in this blog too. At least, i will get to practice writing full sentences properly. Perhaps i shall try to write in Bahasa Melayu here too.

Till then.

p/s: 

Started writing sometime in July 2020, finally get the mood to complete this in September 2020. 😅

Yours Truly,

JM